Read Hebrews 12:1-11
Man, this sucks... I have some stuff in my life right now that I really, really, really need to walk away from. I can't just say to myself and others that it's over, that it's behind me now, if I haven't actually looked it in the face and said: this was sinful, this was wrong, and I regret that it didn't honor God, in whom I believe, at all. God uses all things for the good of those who love Him, yes... He can do that because He's God, for Pete's sake. But I have to admit that for a short time in my life, I walked away from Him. I looked Him in the face and I basically said without saying it, "I'm going to do this and I DON'T CARE WHAT YOU THINK ABOUT IT".
And in the process of facing up to it, actually admitting that it was wrong and that, for the sole reason that it didn't glorify God IN THE LEAST, I regret it, I am hurting. Walking away from sin hurts. This pain, though, shows how much I am prone to wander and leave, and how tempting and seemingly beautiful sin can be. But how much more beautiful are moments that really glorify Him? Moments in which I experience pleasure through sin, in which I am in a state of euphoria and bliss, in which I simply think I feel good, do not glorify God. They glorify me and only me.
It hurts to walk away from sin. That's why I think we can't just say one day, "Okay, I'm done with this, it's over, out of my reach anyway, how convenient!" Just because you're out of the position to continue in sin doesn't mean you're not committing that sin anymore; it doesn't mean that sin is out of your life. In experiencing the pain of repentance from that sin, we are experiencing how much it hurts God when we sin against Him. We know just how much we were attached to it, blinded by it, and how far we have wandered away. We remember just how much we need Him.
Likewise, the relief we experience after we finally realize the decision that needs to be made, after we actually make that decision and not simply exit the scene, we know just how much God loves us and wants to bless us. I believe we experience the same joy as He does when the lost sheep is found. And so it becomes clear: of course He didn't want me in that sin, with whatever it entailed, with whomever it entailed. Of course it didn't "work out"... because sin never "works out".
SIN NEVER WORKS OUT!!!!!!!
...but I do, lol, so I gotta get going here.
UPDATE/EDIT: I should mention that it took me a long time to write the above ... because while I was writing it, I was actually experiencing it myself. I walked away from something today, not just physically (which happened several months ago), but spiritually. In between those paragraphs up there were a ton of tears, honest ones, for once, and my (again, honest for once) plea to God to cleanse me. My HONEST, FOR ONCE! confession of something I had done that is a sin, and my HONEST (yes, for once) repentance from it. In all honesty (...for once), I have never felt more broken than I did this morning. And I have never enjoyed my workout as much as I did today. I finally feel free.
In regard to the passage from Hebrews, verse 11 stuck out to me... "No discipline is enjoyable while it is happening—it’s painful! But afterward there will be a peaceful harvest of right living for those who are trained in this way."
Training. I'm training my body and my soul, folks. I'm training it so the next time I decide to leave the country, I won't let my guard--and my God--down so easily.
Review of Yesterday: eating = terrible, POSSIBLY within caloric allowance.
Today's Workouts: Turbo Jam Cardio Party 2 (which was so much fun it's not even funny!!!) + Booty Sculpt + Abs (8 & 5 lb dumbbells) + Upper Body (5 lb dumbbells) and Flexibility segments from the 10M.S. fitness ball workouts...
ADD: 15 minutes Turbo Jam with Hannah lol
Breakfast: 1 banana
Lunch: pita pizza: 100% whole wheat pita, sundried tomato pesto, part-skim ricotta cheese, diced tomatoes, a bit of chopped grilled chicken, 4 small pepperonis, garlic, oregano, sprinkled with shredded mozzarella
Dinner: 1 Stouffer's garden vegetable French bread frozen pizza, chocolate chip ice cream + small brownie for dessert
Dessert/snacks: some tortilla chips + black bean dip, 1 piece icebox dessert
Water: need a lot of it
Daily Vitamins: check
Nightly Vitamins: did not take
Today's Workouts: Turbo Jam Cardio Party 2 (which was so much fun it's not even funny!!!) + Booty Sculpt + Abs (8 & 5 lb dumbbells) + Upper Body (5 lb dumbbells) and Flexibility segments from the 10M.S. fitness ball workouts...
ADD: 15 minutes Turbo Jam with Hannah lol
Breakfast: 1 banana
Lunch: pita pizza: 100% whole wheat pita, sundried tomato pesto, part-skim ricotta cheese, diced tomatoes, a bit of chopped grilled chicken, 4 small pepperonis, garlic, oregano, sprinkled with shredded mozzarella
Dinner: 1 Stouffer's garden vegetable French bread frozen pizza, chocolate chip ice cream + small brownie for dessert
Dessert/snacks: some tortilla chips + black bean dip, 1 piece icebox dessert
Water: need a lot of it
Daily Vitamins: check
Nightly Vitamins: did not take
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