Thursday, August 27, 2009

Random Notebook Content

Stuff I've written in there lately...

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Whatever the greatest thing is on Earth, the greatest thing we can possibly conceive, God is greater than that.

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I am tired of caring so much about my image and what others think.

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"You and I both loved what you and I spoke of, and others just read of, others only read of the love, the love that I love" (Jason Mraz song)

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Blind faith, to me, is somewhat ridiculous and so I would like to begin seeking the truth with grand effort.

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It's so funny how I have changed in the last year.

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Can't wrap my mind around how we are all equally sinful in the eyes of God no matter what we have done. Can't wrap my mind around how Jesus just makes us all clean... how did I become a Christian, how did I get here? I don't remember choosing to give a shit about why I'm here or how I live. But I do, I do give a shit and sometimes, to be honest, I wish I didn't. And I try to stop trying to do the "right" thing all the time, try to stop analyzing my life, trying to predict the future and manipulate my life in attempt to make certain that all my dreams come true. I just don't remember choosing the hard way.

Really what I'd like to do is STOP worrying my life away, STOP caring what others think. I'd like to love someone without feeling like I have to explain why.

Yeah, that'd be good.

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Let my soul breathe.

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Current Endeavours:
1. get a job
2. buy a place to live
3. convince Lea that she doesn't belong in Australia and figure out how to keep her on this continent when she gets here
4. lose 3 kg
5. graduate from UCF

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What is a conscience?

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I just want to be a real person with real feelings who loves everything that breathes, and smiles because she wants to, not because everyone else is, who believes because she knows why, not because other people tell her why... who can shut out the influences from others that are trying to tell her how to live her life and that there's only one right way to exist.

2 comments:

Lea said...

like the last paragraph especially :)

Keithhhhh said...

it sounds like you're having some grand internal conflicts. conflicts i feel like i've had in my life. next time you're really enjoying yourself or the people around you- try not to focus so much on the fact that you're having a beautiful moment and that you want to remember it forever by freeze framing or over analyzing things..

instead..throw yourself into the moment and get lost. don't think of boundaries, limits, guards or standards. i feel like this was a bit vague...i hope it helps.