Roots...tides...struggling to fathom the endless

Currently studying Ephesians... I love Paul's prayer for spiritual growth in chapter 3... (v. 14-21)

"When I think of all this, I fall to my knees and pray to the Father, the Creator of everything in heaven and on earth. I pray that from his glorious, unlimited resources he will empower you with inner strength through his Spirit. Then Christ will make his home in your hearts as you trust in him. Your roots will grow down into God’s love and keep you strong. And may you have the power to understand, as all God’s people should, how wide, how long, how high, and how deep his love is. May you experience the love of Christ, though it is too great to understand fully. Then you will be made complete with all the fullness of life and power that comes from God.

Now all glory to God, who is able, through his mighty power at work within us, to accomplish infinitely more than we might ask or think. Glory to him in the church and in Christ Jesus through all generations forever and ever! Amen."

That prayer is just so beautiful. Stuff in the Bible is better than any song lyrics or poem or story I have ever read. It is so raw and honest and lovely and pure. There's something there that song lyrics don't have. It's so alive! I found myself wondering how Paul felt when he was actually praying that prayer. I just thought to myself... Paul was a real guy who really prayed! This guy really walked the earth. Then I thought... JESUS really walked the Earth. Now I find myself really longing to comprehend this love that Paul was praying about. Wow...

Favorites

1. "Christ will make his home in your hearts as you trust in him. Your roots will grow down into God’s love and keep you strong."

-- i really dig the part about roots growing down into God's love ... every time I read about roots in the Word I have this really vivid picture of a weak tree that has magnificent, strong roots deeply planted into the ground. The weak tree above ground is my earthly self, but my roots are strong and grounded.

-- Another image of roots is found in Colossians chapter 2:7 "Let your roots grow down into him, and let your lives be built on him. Then your faith will grow strong in the truth you were taught, and you will overflow with thankfulness."

2. "Now all glory to God, who is able, through his mighty power at work within us, to accomplish infinitely more than we might ask or think."

-- Sometimes I think when I tell God of my deepest desires, I suspect that I significantly underestimate the magnitude of what He's working on in me. I make God smaller to try and understand how He works. We should never think of our lives/problems/desires/etc as too big for God to handle or turn to good for His plan.

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I dig the King James Version... my favorite translation is the New Living Translation, but I also like to read the King James version parallel to the NLT to compare how they express these awesome truths... check it out... its wildly poetic!

"For this cause I bow my knees unto the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ,
Of whom the whole family in heaven and earth is named,
That he would grant you, according to the riches of his glory, to be strengthened with might by his Spirit in the inner man;
That Christ may dwell in your hearts by faith; that ye, being rooted and grounded in love,
May be able to comprehend with all saints what is the breadth, and length, and depth, and height;
And to know the love of Christ, which passeth knowledge, that ye might be filled with all the fulness of God.
Now unto him that is able to do exceeding abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that worketh in us,

Unto him be glory in the church by Christ Jesus throughout all ages, world without end. Amen."

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I especially dig "Now unto him that is able to do exceeding abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that worketh in us,
Unto him be glory in the church by Christ Jesus throughout all ages, world without end. Amen."

I just LOVE it... "exceeding abundantly above all that we ask or think" ... "world without end"... just so awe inspiring. The different words paint different pictures in my head and it makes me just pause... to think, catch my breath a bit, and wonder how I can even begin to grasp it. It's almost frustrating, almost overwhelming to even try to fathom "how wide, how long, how high, and how deep his love is."... it fills me up to where I feel as if I'm about to burst with joy, but I can't quite grasp it, can't quite reach it. My understanding of it -- just how endless God's love is -- is like the ebb and flow of the ocean tide. How I long for high tide! How I long for the tides of understanding to come in, and form lovely tidal pools so that I might bask in the absolute fullness of God's love that Paul prays about!

Fix You

I think we've all been here...

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When you try your best, but you don't succeed
When you get what you want, but not what you need
When you feel so tired, but you can't sleep
Stuck in reverse

And the tears come streaming down on your face
When you lose something you can't replace
When you love someone, but it goes to waste
Could it be worse?

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

And high up above or down below
When you're too in love to let it go
If you never try you'll never know
Just what you're worth

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

Tears stream down on your face
When you lose something you cannot replace
Tears stream down on your face
And I...

Tears stream down on your face
I promise you I will learn from my mistakes
Tears stream down your face
And I...

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

-- "Fix You" -- Coldplay

Optimism - Repentance - Dreams - Etc.

There I was, dreading the first week off from school thinking all of my friends who have "real" jobs would be busy and I would have nothing to do. But God really blessed me this week, with a lot of fun and several new friends, and some hard lessons.

I'm doing a Bible study for the last week by Mark Driscoll and the whole study is on the Song of Solomon/Songs. I started off kiiiinda hating it, because I thought it was going to be all about marriage, something that seems either A. out of reach at the moment or B. like something I don't need/want right now anyway, but I kept listening. I'd like to be married someday... it's silly really, I feel like that's something people, including me, are almost ashamed to admit, that they want or need to be with someone else. Well, I not only would like that, I think I will need it, too...

Two questions I've been asking myself alllll week have been "What are you doing RIGHT NOW to prepare yourself for your heart's desires?" ...and... "How will my current lifestyle affect my future relationships?"... something I've learned from the study is that most people (myself included) don't really focus on getting ready to be in a relationship with another person until that person comes along, in which, in many cases, they then realize they aren't prepared at all. I'm one of those people.

This week God really showed me how selfish and prideful I can be... Mark pointed out that Solomon, although he was really following God in his younger years, that he walked away in his later years... and sinned big time against his wife. he used this to point out that although our first instinct is to scorn Solomon for being a jerk, but in reality, we are all capable of a LOT of evil things when we walk away from God. We're all selfish, I know I am... I was feeling really angry this week, it was one of those days where I was angry and I didn't know why, and I was driving along... somewhere... I asked out loud, "WHY am I so angry!?"... and then it hit me... because I wasn't getting what I [thought I] wanted!! I was, to put it simply, pouting.

Whoa, I thought, I feel like a complete idiot, and it was then I really saw how I had so quickly allowed the sin of pridefulness and selfishness to creep in, and ouch, ouch, ouch it hurt. I felt not just stupid but ashamed to call myself a Christian, what have I learned since Jesus first called me to him almost eight years ago? At that moment it felt like the answer was "nothing". And it sucked.

The next part of the study was on sin and repentance and what that really means... I transported myself back to October when I experienced repentance for what I feel was the very first time. Its about changing your MIND, not just your actions. Deciding to just stop doing something is one thing, but if your mind is still infested with that sin, ... well, you're in trouble.

Truly everyday should be us repenting from some thing in our life that isn't Christlike... no matter how dumb or miniscule of a thing it may seem.

More questions... how many people prepare for weddings and not for marriage? How many people forget that their significant other is a sinner, too? How many people are in or have been in relationships or marriages and are shocked and dismayed when they are sinned against? How many people have been completely void of grace for someone else, even though they've been given grace abounding, by God himself!? I have.

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This week I made a bunch of new acquaintances, some of which I am sure will soon become friends :-) I've really had a marvelous week. God is chipping away at me, molding me, changing me, that's what I want, but it hurts a lot sometimes. I suppose as long as I keep in mind that that is what He's doing, I'll be ok.

I'm not sure what to write next... I was going to write about optimism and dreams and etc., too, I have optimism, dreams, etc... there, I said it.

In Repair

"In Repair" -- John Mayer

Too many shadows in my room
Too many hours in this midnight
Too many corners in my mind
So much to do to set my heart right
Oh it's taking so long
I could be wrong, I could be ready
Oh, but if i take my heart's advice
I should assume it's still unsteady
I am in repair... I am in repair

Stood on the corner for a while
To wait for the wind to blow down on me
Hoping it takes with it my old ways
And brings some brand new look upon me

Oh, it's taking so long
I could be wrong, I could be ready
Oh but if i take my heart's advice
I should assume it's still unsteady
I am in repair, i am in repair

And now I'm walking in a park
All of the birds they dance below me
Maybe when things turn green again
It will be good to say you know me

Oh it's taking so long
I could be wrong, I could be ready
Oh, but if I take my heart's advice
I should assume it's still unready
Oh, I'm never really ready, I'm never really ready

I'm in repair, I'm not together
But I'm getting there...
I'm in repair, I'm not together
But I'm getting there...

I'm in repair, I'm not together
But I'm getting there

On Redemption

What another whirlwind of a week... God has already started to answer my scary prayer for change and has begun to chip away more of that part of me that I just despise. The prideful part, the joyless part, the despairing part of me.

In the last six weeks, I've been learning a lot about redemption. Actually, six weeks ago, I can't say that I really knew what that word even meant. And I still can't give you a book definition of it... but if you want one of those, man, go get a dictionary.

This week I watched/listened to Mark Driscoll's six-part study on the book of Ruth, called Redeeming Ruth. I had read through the book of Ruth once or twice before, but definitely didn't "get it" the way I do now. The whole story paints a picture of Ruth leaving her old way of life and trusting in God to redeem her.

I don't really know how to put all the stuff I soaked up this week into beautiful prose, so I'm just going to type out some things I wrote down in my notes...


On God...
-- God really is BIG, sovereign, and really, really in charge.
-- God is GOOD!
-- God is BIGGER than sin and He can redeem even the worst of it
-- God uses our suffering to sanctify us, and can use our sin to cause us to obey him more readily
-- God works through ME!
-- God does not bless sin, but he does use it for good
-- God is my Father
-- God loves me
-- God will bless me


On myself...
-- I am aiming to have character like Ruth... she's a hard worker, she runs to God in hardship instead of away from him, she loves her friends, gets connected, reads her Bible, prays, and tries to live righteously.
-- I do not offer a "path of least resistance" to Boaz, either
-- I do not--ever--want to be married to a dude who can't figure anything out
-- I want to live in a way that prepares me for the deepest desires of my heart

On the future "Dude of Dudes"... (my Boaz)
-- he will see me as worthy, as Boaz saw Ruth
-- protector and defender
-- has stuff figured out, and if he doesn't, he'll find a way TO figure it out
-- he won't be just looking for a woman who has followed a path of least resistance
-- he'll have an "end-game"
-- he won't be intimidated by any obstacle that stands between us
-- he won't be able to live without me :-)
-- he is a kind, prayerful man
-- he gets things done
-- he will talk to me
-- loves Jesus, and has a job


On "religion"...
-- it is the enemy of redemption
-- it says "if I obey, God will love me"
-- it says that there are good and bad people
-- it tells me that it is all about what I do
-- it never leads to joy or humility... only pride and despair


On "redemption"...
-- it says "God loves you"... period
-- it says that I can love God back
-- There are no good people, only bad people........and Jesus
-- redemption only cares about my new birth
-- it tells me that its NOT about what i've done, but about what JESUS has done
-- it's a gift that Jesus paid for


What else...
-- its not good fortune or luck, or happenstance, or karma... it's God's providence
-- Good legacy > good time
-- taking a risk is not foolish
-- sometimes we need to answer our own prayers... we ask God to do something and sometimes fail to notice when he has already equipped us to do it ourselves


sooooo... that's a lot of stuff. i think the biggest thing is that God is going to use me. I've got this weeeeiiiird feeling inside, not a bad weird, a good weird... I'm anxious and excited and nervous and a bit scared to see how God's gonna work His providence through me.