Sunday, November 29, 2009

flying time

It's been over a year since God pulled me out of the muck and mire I was in after I got back from Germany... I still can't believe I was ever that person. I've dabbled a bit back in that old life since then, and got a taste of what it felt like, again, and it just wasn't pretty. I've also spent a lot of time thinking and rethinking and wondering if living my life following this Jesus dude was worth all the pain and effort. And I eventually decided that I can't do it without Him if I tried, so yeah, I decided, it is worth it. Also because nothing compares to the hope, the joy, the strength, and the mind-blowing healing that I have found in Jesus. I have tried to find strength in my own effort, in "being a good person" (which I suck at), and it just does. not. work!! I end up exhausted and discouraged and worse off than before. Being a "Christian", I also realized, can also be exhausting if you make it about just "work". I feel God wants us to just bask in his love sometimes, you know? just dig it. Just totally be taken aback by how awesome He is. Not try to prove something to him by how much you DO or how much you KNOW. Cause God doesn't care. I've also given up trying to force myself into being a "better Christian", whatever the heck that is... -- because I can't do it. God can, though, and He will, if I let him.

Came across this prayer again ... ephesians 3, while reading this week... I blogged about it several months back. I love it because it gives all the glory to GOD for the work that is done, not to people. Cuz God doesn't NEED us, but He wants use us, and we just have to let him.

---- I pray that from his glorious, unlimited resources he will empower you with inner strength through his Spirit. Then Christ will make his home in your hearts as you trust in him. Your roots will grow down into God’s love and keep you strong. And may you have the power to understand, as all God’s people should, how wide, how long, how high, and how deep his love is. May you experience the love of Christ, though it is too great to understand fully. Then you will be made complete with all the fullness of life and power that comes from God. Now all glory to God, who is able, through his mighty power at work within us, to accomplish infinitely more than we might ask or think. ----

INFINITELY MORE than we might ask for or think!!!!!


God has answered a few prayers that I have been praying for a long time. and I don't know why I am surprised. I never know why I'm surprised.


"Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart." -- Psalm 37:4

It's so true.

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

Its been a while, mates

Well here's an update... haven't written in a while, and a lot has changed since the last time I wrote!!

I started my last semester at UCF... taking two electives online and one on Thursday afternoons on the main campus...

I moved out of Mom and Dad's house... now I live with two girls that I know from dancing, Lacy and Jenn.

I got a full-time job as an administrative assistant at a court reporting firm downtown... i love it!! So i've been getting up super early every morning! My coworkers are great, the work is exciting, and no day is ever the same. I come home without feeling like i've worked at all!

Still dancing a lot!

The fitness ministry at River Run Christian Church has been expanding; we are now offering Zumba classes 1-2 times monthly, which we have all been enjoying immensely! The next one is this monday night at 8pm.

I lost the five or six pounds I put on over the summer while traveling -- and I can see my abs again!! I havent been exercising near as much as I was a year ago, when I was really working to get weight off, but I have been staying very busy and since I have to cook for myself now, I generally don't eat as much. I've been cooking a lot, as well, lots of new recipes. I've even made chana masala and a few other curry dishes, and also Käsespätzle... which is a traditional Swabian (German) dish. soo good!

I haven't eaten any animals since July 18, 2009 on the airplane to San Francisco from Sydney. I feel a lot healthier and believe that removing animal protein from my diet and replacing it with plant proteins helps me stay lean.

Well that's it for now...

Thursday, August 27, 2009

Random Notebook Content

Stuff I've written in there lately...

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Whatever the greatest thing is on Earth, the greatest thing we can possibly conceive, God is greater than that.

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I am tired of caring so much about my image and what others think.

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"You and I both loved what you and I spoke of, and others just read of, others only read of the love, the love that I love" (Jason Mraz song)

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Blind faith, to me, is somewhat ridiculous and so I would like to begin seeking the truth with grand effort.

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It's so funny how I have changed in the last year.

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Can't wrap my mind around how we are all equally sinful in the eyes of God no matter what we have done. Can't wrap my mind around how Jesus just makes us all clean... how did I become a Christian, how did I get here? I don't remember choosing to give a shit about why I'm here or how I live. But I do, I do give a shit and sometimes, to be honest, I wish I didn't. And I try to stop trying to do the "right" thing all the time, try to stop analyzing my life, trying to predict the future and manipulate my life in attempt to make certain that all my dreams come true. I just don't remember choosing the hard way.

Really what I'd like to do is STOP worrying my life away, STOP caring what others think. I'd like to love someone without feeling like I have to explain why.

Yeah, that'd be good.

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Let my soul breathe.

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Current Endeavours:
1. get a job
2. buy a place to live
3. convince Lea that she doesn't belong in Australia and figure out how to keep her on this continent when she gets here
4. lose 3 kg
5. graduate from UCF

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What is a conscience?

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I just want to be a real person with real feelings who loves everything that breathes, and smiles because she wants to, not because everyone else is, who believes because she knows why, not because other people tell her why... who can shut out the influences from others that are trying to tell her how to live her life and that there's only one right way to exist.

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

because a lot of people are asking... here's why I did it

This is why I decided to become a vegetarian...

((Disclaimer: I don't intend this to start any arguments, this is my own personal choice and opinion. I respect you, please respect me.))

1. Animal flesh doesn't taste THAT good to me. -- I found myself making chicken purely for the protein but covering it with something, like salsa or cheese, so it would taste like something other than ... animal flesh.

2. I don't want to support the meat industry anymore. They are disgustingly cruel to the animals they manufacture and although my refusing to eat animal flesh will not stop this, I don't have to join in. The cruelty really can't be denied, and I got sick of ignoring it... if you don't know what happened to the chicken or the cow or the pig or the turkey before it landed on your plate, watch this: Meet Your Meat

3. I don't really think we were ever meant to eat meat... our teeth aren't even sharp enough like other carnivores'. Think about it, we have to modify meat (by cooking it) in order for it not to be poisonous to us.
... and in Genesis 1 (28-30), it says "God blessed them and said to them, "Be fruitful and increase in number; fill the earth and subdue it. Rule over the fish of the sea and the birds of the air and over every living creature that moves on the ground. "Then God said, "I give you every seed-bearing plant on the face of the whole earth and every tree that has fruit with seed in it. They will be yours for food. And to all the beasts of the earth and all the birds of the air and all the creatures that move on the ground—everything that has the breath of life in it—I give every green plant for food." And it was so."

Dominion over animals does not mean we can treat them however way we wish because we're at the top of the "food chain".

4. I don't find ingesting dead animal carcass very sexy.

5. I stopped seeing animal flesh as food and began to see it instead for what it really is... the flesh of abused, diseased, often crippled, and slaughtered living creature. Why do I need to eat that?

6. It isn't very healthy IMO... again, watch Meet Your Meat.

7. I stopped seeing the sense in how it can be okay to manufacture and slaughter thousands of cows, pigs, chickens, turkies, etc. for food, because meat tastes good, but not okay to abuse dogs and cats, use them for shark bait in Mexico, or harvest seals and mink for their fur.

8. I cannot ignore it anymore. I don't think that "meat tastes good" is a good enough reason for me to continue eating it.


FAQ:

Q: Do you eat fish?

A: No; I don't like it.

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Q: Do you eat eggs/milk?

A: Yes, at the moment I do, although in the future I may try to edge some of those items out of my diet, as the animals that are raised to produce those things aren't treated very well at all, either.

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Q: How do you get your protein?

A: I'm in love with black beans.... i like beans a lot actually... so I eat a lot of those... and fortified foods like bread and cereals.

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Q: What about B12?

A: Supplements. And occasional dairy products.

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Q: Why do you eat vegetables? They're living, too.

A: Vegetables are not creatures that can suffer and feel pain and carry (at least not as many) deadly diseases.




Feel free to post any other questions if you have them.

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

My Daily Battle to Avoid Being an Idiot Tomorrow

Every day I have to make choices. Every day I have to remind myself of what, or who, is worth my time, effort, toil, and affection. Many times I fail at this. Most days I fail to remember past decisions, and what pain and strife the foolish ones caused me. So I make similar decisions sometimes. Or at least I want to. VERY BADLY. And I tell myself it's not the same. I tell myself it wouldn't be me making the same mistake again. No way, I'm above that, I say to myself.

But how wrong I am! I don't see how I am being deceived. I allow myself to be fooled time and again. I chase the temporary, I long for the fleeting, I lust after the dishonorable.

Why am I so weak? I know the answer to this question and all of the others I've asked myself. I just don't like hearing it. Sometimes I'd rather be ignorant of good. Ignorant of honor. Ignorant of true freedom. That would make me a slave to my own desire, though. No, not me, I say to myself. It's not the same mistake, it's different, I'M different.. I'm above that.

But I have to keep reminding myself how wrong I am.

Friday, July 24, 2009

Recipe: Pan-fried Falafel and Hummus "Quesadillas"

I'm now a vegetarian and it's actually been pretty easy so far. Just realizing that I don't like the taste of meat itself that much has made it easier. As if simply thinking and being aware of what was on my plate doesn't make it easy enough! I haven't eaten so much "new" stuff in a long time, so I'm really glad to have given myself the opportunity to spread my epicurean wings a bit :-)

sooo here's something I made! Anyone can make this, it is sooo easy!


Falafel & Hummus "Quesadillas"

Ingredients:
1 can chickpeas (aka garbanzo beans), drained and rinsed
1 onion, normal sized, finely chopped
1 tbs minced garlic (can be jarred)
2 tablespoons parsley (fresh or otherwise)
1 tsp coriander or cilantro flakes
3/4 tsp chili powder
1/2 tsp salt
two slices whole wheat bread, crumbled Note: *To crumble bread, simply break it into smaller pieces and rub it back in forth between your hands. Sometimes toasting the bread first makes it easier to crumble, and slightly stale bread works best of all.

- ready-made hummus, any flavor you like (or you can make your own! yum!)
- whole wheat tortillas


Heat a bit of olive oil in a frying pan over medium heat.

In a large bowl, mash the chickpeas with a fork until mostly smooth. Add the other ingredients and mix well! *You may want to add in some fat free yoghurt or even some hummus to give the mixture more of a moist feel so it spreads into the tortillas better

Spread hummus on the entire tortilla, pile desired amount of falafel mixture onto one side of the tortilla and fold over to form a "quesadilla" :-)

Once the oil is heated, place the quesadilla into the pan and let it cook. After about 4-5 minutes, use a spatula to lift up the quesadilla to check that its golden brown (NOT black!) and crispy, if it is, flip it over and wait for the same to occur on the other side. Once both sides are browned (note: the entire tortilla will not be brown), put it on a plate and cut it with a pizza cutter or eat it with a fork and knife.

Voilá!

Thursday, June 25, 2009

arriving down under

Ahoy mateys,

a report on the flight and settling in!

flight was good -- didn't realize I needed a visa for australia until I went to check in and they said I needed one, so I paid $25 for it at the counter.. funny thing is is that they normally cost $55 if you buy them from the government in advance... so we lucked out I guess...

1st flight I sat in front of a couple with a baby who wouldn't stop screaming "a-DA! a-DA!!!!!!", it was annoying... five hours to LA, wasn't that bad... got to LA, went to the duty-free shop to find Lea's perfume, which they had a tester bottle of, but none for sale... i asked politely if I could buy the tester bottle because it was very important that I get this perfume... the guy had me wait around for a while while he did other stuff, then said he needed to call his boss to find out if he could sell it to me... so i went and got a happy meal at mcdonald's, ate, and came back.... he puts the tester in a bag and hands it to me! So i got a $50 bottle of perfume for free!! Turns out it's been discontinued anyway sooo... yay! probably the coolest thing that happened all 30 hours of flying!

So then came the looooong haul. Mom upgraded me to "economy plus" which bought me about 3-4 inches of leg room, which I was grateful for after I boarded the plane and saw the regular economy class seats, HA... every inch helps. I wasn't really able to sleep; i dozed off a few times. there was an overweight older man next to me who snored, just my luck... something funny though, you lose track of time when you're flying sooo long, you just sit there and get into this dreamlike, almost euphoric state, and you don't remember what its like to NOT fly... especially if you're by yourself. And since I didn't realize how much time was passing, I was sooo hungry, I kept eating and eating and I was just hungry all the time it seemed like. For me it was all one day that had passed, even though it was really almost two days, so I ate more than three meals and felt like I had overdone it food-wise, haha

I read all of Twilight and started on New Moon... didn't like Twilight as much, the movie probably ruined it for me...

The flights really weren't that bad... United Airlines stinks though, it really does. the food was okay, the staff was not, no one was really that nice at all! Once I got on the Sydney-Perth flight though, everything was super pleasant, I sat next to an 18-year-old Australian guy named Jack, who was nice and was ALSO reading Twilight, haha.. he was fun, we talked about accents and he thinks American accents are "so distinct!" haha... I dozed off for about 30 minutes and they also had on a documentary about Australian pin-up girls in the 40s, very interesting!! I was just so excited, though, I couldn't wait to see Lea!!!

And since I flew domestic I didn't have to go through customs again once I got to Perth, I just walked off the plane and there was Lea! YAY! Ruth came too, I am enjoying getting to know her! Check out the pic Lea posted of us on her wall! Very funny stuff,we were just both so ecstatic. There were beagles walking around smelling people's bags to make sure they didn't bring in any illegal stuff, very neat.

So we went to Leas house and I gave Lea alllll her presents that I've been collecting over the last seven or eight months (mom she likes the green sunglasses!), then I took a shower, and then we went to have lunch, and then when we were home again i slept for two.5 hours and i told Lea she HAD to wake me up, because I didn't want to sleep all day and be up all night, so I woke up at like 6:15pm (6:15am wednesday morning, lol) and I met Lea's parents; they are both so nice and funny, now I know where Lea gets her sense of humor! :-D

Last night we went to a mexican restaurant, where we ordered quesadillas, which were actually burritos surrounded by a ketchup-y substance, it didn't taste bad at all but it wasn't a quesadilla, haha and we also had sangria!!! like old times! i was very tired though so i don't remember much of last night, but it wasn't because of the sangria, I swear!

And then this morning we hung out for a while, and Ruth came over and we drove down the coast and I saw the Indian Ocean!!! I haven't seen the pacific "in person" yet, most people see that one before they see the Indian ocean, i'm mixing it up a bit, what can I say?! ;-) The beach is pretty here, indeed. We drove a little further. Lea and Ruth bought these crazy wideleg wrap pants things...We ate lunch at this restaurant in a warehouse type place, it was called Little Creatures. i think our waitress was canadian... they had really good french fries and they were served with garlic mayo, sooo yummy. strolled around in town, which was called Fremantle, it was a really cute town! i liked it.

we then went to the university campus where Lea and Ruth are students. its such a pretty campus! lots of lovely landscapes. Peacocks hang out there, its really neat. we also went to the river and saw black swans. there are seagulls here but a different type-- they look much cleaner than seagulls at home.

we went to the grocery store and got stuff to make sangria and quesadillas... the quesadillas were really good; we also had refried beans, rice, and pico de gallo to go with them!!!! so yummy :-D

so now we're just hanging out, i'm about to go to sleep... not really feeling jetlagged at all, I'm happy about that. I was awake all day, felt pretty darn good. my throats a little bit sore, which is freaking me out a bit. lea's is sore too... maybe its just the weather... i sure hope so... !

tomorrow we are going to go to swing dancing!!!!!!!!!!!!! i can hardly wait! :-D it might not be as awesome as UCF, but still, i'm excited about it. also i will get to see where Lea works! I also found out that Bank of America DOES have an agreement with a bank here, so I can withdraw for free if/when I need to...sweeeet!

well good night world!