Down agaiN!

Well today I got back on the scale to see if it had been playing a joke on me, haha... and it read 0.4 lbs LESS than yesterday, can ya'll believe that!?

Today I turbo jammed for 40 minutes with 1 lb gloves, and it was very difficult, but I followed with 20 minutes of relaxing pilates...! and now I feel great!!

I MADE GOAL!!!

WOW! Imagine my surprise this morning after getting on the scale to see that, AFTER I stopped Turbo jamming myself to death and instead creating a [really fun] balance between fitness walking, weights, Turbo Jam, pilates, and power yoga... my weight had DROPPED to 130.8 lbs! WOW!!! I've made my goal! (Okay i know my official goal was 130 lbs even, however I know that I started at more than 148, and my actual goal was to drop 18 lbs, which I have!!!!!)

Here you can see pics of me on my journey... damn it took me so long to get where I am but I gotta tell ya'll, I feel amazing. I haven't been sick since I started this, plus my posture has improved, my strength, balance, concentration, breathing, everything has improved. Funny part is, I've only been to the gym twice, both times for a class with Hannah! I feel blessed to be an example of NOT needing a gym to change your body... you just need patience, consistency, prayer, and commitment.

fighting against the past

Last night while I was lying in bed I decided to start reminding myself of all the stupid things I did when I was in high school... I mean REALLY stupid things. REALLY REALLY stupid things that I had forgotten about, blocked out of my memory until last night, pretty much. And I don't know why I just remembered them last night of all times... kinda silly...

On a brighter note, I am totally rocking the power yoga and pilates... yesterday I did the MTV power yoga workout (55 minutes of sweat right there) and I got frustrated with myself because I couldnt do the full backbend/upward bow/full wheel pose... i cursed at myself and said I couldnt do it... but then I got to thinking, why CAN'T I do it? so I paused the DVD and tried, and I couldnt get my head off the floor, couldn't straightend my arms... so I pressed play again and tried to forget about it... well a minute later I pressed pause again and really focused... i placed my hands, did some deep breathing, inhaled one more time and PUSHED... and I DID IT! It was an amazing feeling, and totally wacky to be in that position. I lowered down and did it again :-D it was too cool.

verse for the day... found it a few days ago in my reading...
For I have come to call not those who think they are righteous, but those who know they are sinners. matthew 9:13

i just feel like a complete moron today, the other night i submitted an application for an internship at Deutsche Bank in Frankfurt, someplace I dont want to live anyway,but it sounds like a great 2-3 month long internship so I applied... and submitted a resume on which I completely forgot to finish the objective, DAMN i'm an idiot... so i am trying to forget about that... maybe its a sign... maybe they wont notice and I'll get offered the position anyway, lol... but I cant let it get me down.

Also I am soooo doubting my ability to get any kind of job on the education i have, lol... I just dont think I have learned much of anything to cause any company in Germany to have a reason to give me a job. Germans have way more credentials than I do, except I am good at customer service and writing...

but who am i kidding... i hate worrying about this stuff all the time, why can't I trust God more? why do I try to rely on myself all the time? I obviously stink at it.

But at least I can do a full back bend.... thats something, right?

update, geez i'm a slacker

Well, it has been ALMOST a month since I last wrote. So it's time to write...

this semester I am taking 5 courses and 1 lab and it's been a considerable amount of work. During the week I still tutor German 6-8 hours on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. Its been cool to have a lot to do and not be so bored.

I have toned down my workouts a lot; i used to do Turbo Jam every single day and sweat my butt off, and strength training a few times a week, but back in January I went to a yoga class with HB and it was such a challenge! I was sore the next day! So since then I have been researching and learning about yoga... I decided to clean out some of my workout collection and sold some of my DVDs... the ones that aren't fun at all and that I never do, lol... and since amazon was having such a big sale, I invested in some new workouts, mainly yoga and pilates... my favorite so far have been these workouts by Ellen Barrett, based on workouts done in her own fitness center, called The Studio... those are awesome and all done barefoot. Ever since I started doing yoga and pilates I swear i have lost a few inches in my thighs and there is no doubt that my shoulders are more sculpted... now I have a definite "bump" between my shoulder and my bicep, its kinda hot :-) plus pilates and yoga are both great for abs and I CAN DO PUSH UPS NOW! It's kind of a dream come true that I'm finally branching out in fitness, because I was getting kinda worried about carrying on my "stompy" workouts in Germany... what if my neighbors aren't so tolerant, lol... I have also found that yoga makes me feel sooo good that it motivates me more to eat well. I still do Turbo and my fitness walking, but I definitely have more of a variety each day now.

... and all of that keeps me challenged... cuz i'm done losing weight, now I just wanna be firm all over, and healthy!

On January 25, I started reading the One Year Bible ... so far I'm doing well. It's definitely crazy, especially the Old Testament. It's opening my eyes and heart, but it hasn't been easy so far. I find myself really wrestling with my HEAD... my heart is opening but my head wants to stay closed, it yeeeeearns for black and white. I'm learning to be content with gray, content with mystery. I will never and can never know everything. So I'm going to TRY to love God and love people (both of which are extremely hard sometimes, because you have to love yourself too and I suck at that).

So I guess thats it for now... I love Wednesdays but I hate Wednesdays... I can't get in my normal workout on Wednesdays unless I get up at 5am, but lately I've been getting up at 6:15 or so... I only hate them because theyre so loooong... I leave at 9 and I get home at 8pm. Tuesdays would be just as long but I've taken to coming home in between... its worth it :-)

Well the people in this room are obnoxiously loud so I am going to go warm up my soup for lunch :-)

keeping it simple

Man, exercise makes me feel SOOO good!! I can't get over it. I think our Lord is a freaking GENIUS.

Today I walked two miles with 2 lb weights, did the Turbo Jam BOOTY SCULPT with 9 lb and 6 lb weights, and then jogged for 1 mile with 1 lb weights. Wow! I just love it!

Lately I have just gotten myself so mixed up with every little teeny detail about my faith and what *I* think God wants, and just pushing aside what God REALLY wants... that I, like a child, just LOVE Him, serve Him with my life, showing His light and glory to the world.

Kids don't care how long it took for God to create the Earth, they don't care about all these things in this belief system that I, my culture, this society of the western world, has constructed. They don't even know that this HUGE cultural and historical web that straps them into their identity exists. They just believe in the LORD JESUS!!

REALLY... Is there really anything else that matters? I try to remind myself over and over again that there is NOT anything else that matters besides Jesus, but time and time again, still, I let myself get down about not being able to grasp a certain concept or believe an exact way that I am "supposed" to believe. And then I just think, is God up there asking me to relax, breathe Him in, and just believe in Him, love him, have faith in Him, that its OKAY not to be perfect.

It's a hard concept to grasp I think... not having to earn our salvation. Yet day in and day out I feel myself inclined to try to earn it by being someone "acceptable" to God in the things I do. I try so hard and even lose sleep over it, just trying to figure out why I do the things I do, why I am the way I am... but ya know, even if I go through my entire life not accepted by ANYONE because of those things, if all my friends decide I'm a basket case, God still accepts me. And I heard Him whisper that to me this morning.

Whoa, here I am, ya'll!

I really couldn't think of a better title, lol...

Well, I am proud to say that I only took about three days off in the last month... that's right up to par... I was very strict on my exercise during the holidays, but I did slack off on the eating... all of my clothes still fit and I even bought a pair of Banana Republic jeans after Christmas... size 4!

I feel awesome... my body really is looking good.

It has been hard to stick to strength training recently, because I had a really difficult period this month and it makes me feel very weak... I cranked out the Turbo Jam Booty Sculpt this week, though, and my hammies have been sore for DAYS!!!

Also, even though I was on a Turbo Jam only kick for a month or so, I've been walking away the pounds a lot more recently... the Fat Burning 5 Mile Walk is really really great; I recently did the entire walk with two lb handweights. On days, especially around my period, when I just don't feel like doing complicated, really fast stuff, I love how Leslie can trick me into having a huge sweaty workout anyway. It's really great and I'm so grateful for both of these workout systems!!!

In other news, I'm in love with someone, lol... it's a really, really, really, really, REALLY long story that I will never be able to tell completely to anyone, its so crazy how it all happened and has been happening. As you all may have experienced in reading since October or so, a lot has changed for me... Anyway, his name is Steven and he lives in Germany.... I could write for days all about him, but that would, to me, seem like I'm trying to convince someone of the validity of my above statement of being in love... nope, I don't need to do any convincing this go-around :-) And it's the LAST go-around. You know that feeling... I sure know that feeling... I had it with fitness, too... you know, this is the last time I struggle with sticking to my workouts and keeping these pounds off... I had it with my walk with God... this is the last time I walk away from Him... well, I had it with relationships, too... I had my "last time" with screwing around, being careless, selfish and stupid.


I decided to graduate in August this year instead of December, YES! That means I could be going to Germany as early as September. Whoa. I'm currently working on building my resume... which is a LOT more work than it is here, if that's to believe, lol... I have to have a cover letter, attach a transcript, proof I worked in Germany, proof I graduated high school, info on all the schools I attended (even Columbia Elementary, lol) AND a professional portrait of myself, which I got done today.

So I will start applying soon for positions... as soon as I have everything together... even if its a bit early, I think it's a good idea to start applying now so I can get my face introduced to potential employers... I may have to start with an internship, but that's okay... I think as a backup plan, if I dont hear anything by late June from anyone I have applied to, I will go ahead and get my certification to teach English as a foreign language, so I can do that while I'm there... bc I am going there no matter what when I graduate. That has always been in my head, and there have been many times when I tried to push it out, but it keeps coming back!! You could say its a "dream" I've always had, but generally a "dream" is something you think about in the most idealistic sense... that is not this sort of thing... I know what sorts of things await me when I move there indefinitely. Both good and bad. I'm prepared for it... overall, the benefits far outweigh the costs in the long run, I believe.

I'm still praying, too. The thing I'm praying for the hardest is that Steven be taken away from me if he isn't the one... I trust God 100% that He will do this in His time if He wants to... I have a strong feeling, though, that He isn't going to...because I feel like God put him in my life for a very very very obvious reason. All the pieces fit, its wild, crazy, I know, but this is IT. I do think God is going to make me work to "keep" him, though, ... it's surely not going to be easy, but I think it's worth it, totally doable, and will make for quite an interesting journey, so to speak. All I can say is that I have never before met anyone for whom I would have ever thought the "work" would be worth doing, if that makes sense. "Work", by the way, loosely translates to mean a TON of waiting and seperation, and toleration of no physical contact whatsoever for long, long periods of time. I feel extremely blessed, though, for the ability to get to know someone (we talk ALL THE TIME on Skype lol) in this way without all of the usual distractions, if you get my drift. That's an answered prayer right there.

ODB has been great... still read it each morning. It always gives me something to think about and is a great encouragement to stay in the Word and to strive each day to keep focused on what really really matters in the "big picture"... so important!!

So...

... keep praying
... keep walking
... keep loving

keep on keeping on :-)


Yay for 2009!!!!!!

Such a tough workout deserves its own post!!

WOW I pushed myself today... this morning I was debating whether or not I had the energy to work out and I realized, OF COURSE I DO!!!!!!!!!!! I ate sooo much, way too much yesterday and I feel like crap not because I have NO energy, but because I have TOO MUCH energy...

So I worked out to Cardio Party 3, left off the weighted gloves today so I could focus on learning the moves, and I really really enjoyed it... I sweat bullets, real bullets, lol :-) After that I did the Turbo Twenty (as I like to call it :-) WITH weighted gloves, then I walked the 2 mile power walk from Walk Away Your Hips and Thighs with 1 lb hand weights...

Tomorrow, I'm going to strength train!